What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
