Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Randomize
