I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
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