There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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