I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
