i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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