two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize