And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
