She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
bring money and cleavage
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
