I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
