I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
