i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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