It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
