we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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