life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I just gift wrapped bread.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
