some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
