The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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