Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
We are two peas in an std pod
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
