I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
