It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
