the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
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