i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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