i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
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