You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
