dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
