Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
