Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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