Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
We left an ass print on the piano.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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