then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize