Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
