dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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