its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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