If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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