I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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