my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize