I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
