I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
