his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
