Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
