isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
