so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
