well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
