well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
