Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
she peed on how many people?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
