Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
