i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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