tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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