They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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