you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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