i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Sext me about skeletons
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
