What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
