They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
