I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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