I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
