If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
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