1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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