On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
