I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
