You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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