dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
FUCK WHALES
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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