..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
