shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize