Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
