After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
