Someone shit on the floor
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize