i don't like sucking hair
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
