you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
