you would pick up someone in the library
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Shitshow foam night was such a success
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
